What I Wish I Could Say

Friday’s are for sharing the heart’s of other mamas. I’m glad to share this very real, heartfelt guest post with you from my friend Kari Day. Here are her thoughts to you, her friend.

Dear Christian Mommy Friend,

You are my dearest friend. You came to me yesterday and you wanted to chat. It’s something I love to do with you. That surface chit chat about our kids and what we are doing for the summer. We talk about the trouble with this kid, and the milestone with that kid. We laughed at their antics together and shared a coffee and are friends…. but how… HOW do I talk to you when you start going deeper, and you ask me “so what’s going on with you?”

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How do I answer you with my real thoughts when they are of enslaved children in Haiti, starving half dead children in Africa, murdered and tortured Christian children in Egypt, and young girls taken from their homes and chained to beds to serve as slaves for the most depraved in this world?

How do I break into your sweet happy family thoughts and relate this to you in a way that you can understand? How do I disrupt the cocooning you are doing with your family that is so good, and so sweet, and so comfortable? How do I explain that while I love my children with an incredible passion, they are not my everything?

How do I relate that to you when I know you feel your children are your everything?

I want to  tell you, and have you understand, that I need to be involved in what God is doing. That my need to be in the middle of God’s ministry – wherever that might be- is so inherent in my personality that I feel I’ve stopped breathing when I’ve stopped being a part of it.

I know you love Jesus. I know you have a heart for him. And I know that If I talked of starving children you would be compassionate and would want to do something to help. You would be heartbroken for them and perhaps break down and cry. You would want, with all that is in you, to scoop them up and take them home. But… That is where it stops for you because The beat of your heart isn’t for ministry. For missions. For DOING something. And mine is.

Your heart beats for family, and children, and home. And that is so noble and so good and right and so… acceptable.

If I tell you  that I want my children to see and understand these terrible realities…that I WANT them to be moved to ACTION… I know that you would not understand my thinking.

Surly I want to protect my children from it? Right? For them not to see it? For them to be sheltered from those kinds of horrors….and yes of course I do, but another thing I want more is for them to serve Jesus with their life. To know him by serving him.

Not just to go to church on Sunday, but to know Jesus, be broken by the cause of Christ, to have the compassion of the Holy Spirit be their driving force in everything they do in life.

This is something that is almost unrelatable to you. I understand. It is a hard thing. It isn’t the sunshine and flowers version of life that is the acceptable American way. It is not the thing people want for their children.

We want them to do good in school, to find a good paying job, to meet and marry a nice Christian, to buy a cute house and give us grandkids… living happily ever after.

And OH HOW I WANT LIFE TO BE THAT NICE. Oh how I pray they can do both… serve God wholeheartedly and live comfortably at the same time. I want that so bad. I fear the hard life they may have if they give it all for the cause of Christ.

But what I fear more than that hard life, is their wasted life. A life that doesn’t live to the potential that God has for them because they are not putting him and his mission first.

So how do I tell you in the midst of the nice conversation about education techniques, summer day camp, and new recipes, that my heart is not beating for the “mommyhood is everything” existence. That while I love the conversation, the connection, the friendship… that there is so much more to me.

Does that make me a bad mom? A mom who isn’t  fully embracing my mom-hood? Would you think that I am wasting my time with my kids?

I pray you don’t think that…. but I understand if you do. Your priority over everything is your children, loving them, appreciating  them, documenting every moment of their existence. And my priority isn’t that. It is to show them the single most important thing in this world is NOT them. It is Christ, to live for him and to be about his business.

So we will be the best of friends. And we will talk one conversation at a time. And I will hope that someday your heart will blaze with the need to serve Jesus first. I love you my friend.

ImageKari Day is a woman passionately pursuing Jesus in her everyday life…stumbling and falling along the way. She is the co-founder of Allied Women, a community of women helping women to pursue God’s purpose for them. Kari is driven by a passion to see women change the world for Christ by living fully in the purpose he has created them to live. She blogs about living life intentionally and abiding in Jesus at KariDay.com and Allied-Women.com She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband, three kids, golden retriever and new kitten she recently rescued from under the house. You can connect with Kari on Facebook.

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