I still remember my “life’s verse” from the summer I turned 15, it was Romans 10:14-15.
But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, “How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news!
Isn’t that stirring?! Even now I want to jump up and shout news that is good, that people are waiting to hear! That’s exactly how I felt then.
I followed that verse all the way to Eastern Europe on a mission trip; 7 weeks abroad at 15 years old with no email and no cell phones. Just letters home. It was hard, and exhilarating.
I loved Europe. My heroes were Jim Elliot and Amy Carmichael. It was a no-brainer, I was going to be a missionary!
Fast forward almost another 15 years. The pregnancy test says positive and all I can do is chant a pitiful mantra, “I’m going to have a baby, I’m going to have a baby, I’m going to have a baby,” in a tone somewhere between a whine and a wail. It’s all I said until I thoroughly freaked out my husband and he made me stop!
However, it was less than 72 hours before I fell in love and was glowing. Motherhood, now that’s an adventure, right? I read everything I could read about my little bean, in awe of the miracle I had become a part of.
Fast forward a handful of years later; I feel disillusion and as close to despair as my personality will allow. I asked myself, “Is this all there is?” I loved my sweet son and now new daughter but I felt trapped. I was walking the valley of death we all have to go through eventually. Wandering in the wilderness, faced with the option of choosing my way or God’s way. On the other side of brokenness, I chose his.
After that I walked with a limp and a certainty that while my life wasn’t what I had thought it would be it was a gift.
Fast forward another year plus some, and God breathed fresh life into the dream that for years had lain dormant and forgotten. About three months after my visit to Serbia (if you haven’t heard that story, and it’s a good one, you can catch up here) I was pondering what the trip meant and what was to come next.
At that moment God reminded me of Romans 10:14-15 which I had prayed with youthful sincerity. “God send me.” He hadn’t forgotten. Twenty years after the first prayer was prayed, the first trip taken, a second “God send me” prayer was prayed and another trip was taken.
The creativity with which God has sent me back to Europe is astonishing, and the relationships growing are so dear. But without the training I received in the humbling fields of motherhood and broken dreams, I doubt I would have deep faith and compassion to be my traveling companions.
God is the dream planter. He imprints us with his nature and our own unique flare, inspires us with himself, sets our hearts on fire, and calls go! When dreams die, and our old selves with them, they can be reborn with a purity that was missing before.
Is there a call, a dream, a passion you’re grieving and wonder if you’ll ever see again? This season doesn’t last forever, rebirth follows death!
If healthy Beck could have told discouraged Beck one thing it would have been, “lean in to the sorrow and learn to trust God’s voice.”
If you’re discouraged may I tell you, “lean in to the sorrow and learn to trust God’s voice.” He will not lead you into danger, he will revive your soul, and he himself will become your dream.
Where are you on the journey? Have your dreams died, are you in hot pursuit of them, or are you living your dream? Let’s have a conversation. I want to hear about your dreams!
(A little side note; I read this verse to my 9 year old Max, telling him how I had prayed this verse when I was a teenager. I said wasn’t it neat how that’s happened and God’s sending me to Serbia. His twinkle eyed response, “yeah and he gave you two beautiful children to tell.” Knowing wheels were turning in that little mind I asked him what he meant and he said “well what’s better than teaching children about God, then you have experience to teach others.” Bless that boy!)